
So, here we are friends. Still without a new little one. The diaper bag is placed at the foot of the bed. I haven't really packed a bag for myself, since I don't know where we will be going. My parents are ready to take the boys if we need to leave in a moment. Our friends in Arkansas have just had a sweet baby boy, another 2 friends found out they were having their third girl (two different families), another friend found out she was having a boy, another friend is getting bigger and bigger every day with her third boy, another friend (or 2) is just beginning to show the marks of growing life. . . . and it goes on and on. New life is flourishing all around me.
I know. The Lord is completely taking care of my little one. I know, He knows where she is. I know, He is bringing her here at exactly the right time. I know, He knows better than I. I even know that she is exactly where she should be right now. I long for my babies to come out of my own uterus this intensely at the end of my pregnancies. It's just hard, you know??? I am ever ready to meet this little one, to hold her in my arms. To feel her, to experience in a
tangible way who she is. As I long for this in my nights, I am sitting and watching the "awakening" happening here at IHOP. (that's another post for another time) It's pretty amazing- people who have struggled their life through are seeing Jesus in a way they never have before. They are seeing the Holy Spirit in a powerful, new way.
Tangible. What is it about humanity? Eve- touched the apple, David- touched another man's wife, even Thomas had to touch the scars to believe Jesus had risen from the dead. I know that longing for our daughter is not in any way sinful- but I do know this. Sin always starts somewhere- and longing to be in a place that the Lord has not put me never leads anywhere good. Lord, give me peace and contentment. Give me the patience to long and pray for something, while keeping my heart connected to yours and trusting your plans. In my desire for the tangible, give me a new taste of the Holy Spirit. That I may know you in a new way. That it may sustain my heart, my longing, and my patience. That it would be my sustenance. My tangible.